I get it.
I get standing next to your child’s bed, trying not to wake them, squinting to get a juice box straw into the box while you battle a nighttime low.
I get staring at the numbers on their glucose monitor as they creep up and up, even though your child had the same exact breakfast as they always do, and they bolused just the same.
I get pausing before answering the call from the school nurse, the third one this week, praying she’ll begin with “Everything is fine.”
I get punishing yourself in your head as you drive home from your child’s quarterly endo appointment, still feeling the shame and frustration of that A1C you didn’t expect.
But, more importantly, I know the love you have for your child.
I recognize the look of pride on your face when your child checks their blood sugar for the first time on their own.
I recognize that smile when you realize you’ve finally mastered the elusive pizza bolus.
I recognize the joy you feel when your child scores the game-winning goal, and you realize that this disease won’t stop them from being amazing.
And it won’t stop you, either.
There will be too many sleepless nights to count, and days where you wonder why you were chosen for this challenge. You’ll have literal highs and lows, and everything in between, and feel like your life can’t possibly get back to “normal.”
But it will. Maybe not the same “normal” that you had before your child’s diagnosis, but a new kind. A kind of normal that doesn’t have to be filled with sadness and defeat. A normal that allows you to be tired but strong. A normal where you can be worried but determined. A normal in which there will be uncertainty but also triumphs.
You, mama, have challenges ahead. There is no question about that. But, while it may not feel like it most days, you will also have opportunities. Your child will take their cues on how to live their life from you, and you have the chance to show them that this disease is just one part of them. It doesn’t define them, and it doesn’t define you. When you feel like this can’t possibly be how your life was supposed to play out, remember this:
You are the author of this story, not the disease. When it feels like your pen has been taken away from you, take it back. Let the details unfold, and remember that all great works have pivotal moments and plot twists. Don’t jump ahead, and don’t try to edit what’s already been written. Focus on the present, writing one chapter at a time.
And the conclusion?
You aren’t there yet… but I know it will be a good one.
Love from a fellow D-mama,
Disclaimer: The experiences and suggestions recounted in these articles are not intended as medical advice, and they are not necessarily the “typical” experiences of families with a child who has type 1 diabetes. These situations are unique to the families depicted. Families should check with their healthcare professionals regarding the treatment of type 1 diabetes and the frequency of blood glucose monitoring.